December '05

I found this picture the other day and saved it to my desktop. I can't stop looking at it. It makes me feel happy and sad at the same time. This was taken at the top of the stairs one night in December of 2005. I'd just taken them out of the bathtub and they were so sweet and cuddly clean. Why and how is time flying by so fast? Why am I sad that it is? Don't get me wrong, I'm happy - beyond happy. I'm blessed beyond measure. God has been so good to my family. The thing is, I've just been thinking about how fast the boys are growing and I want time to slow down. They'll be 3 and 5 years old in less than 2 months, and it seems like yesterday that this picture was taken. I registered my Stephen for kindergarten last night. My big boy will be in "real school" in just 6 months. Oh my.

I believe one day I'll have another baby. I believe that God is in the process of preparing me in many different ways for another child. There are a number of obstacles that are going to need to be crossed before we're blessed with another child, a couple that even seem insurmountable, but I honestly believe with all of my heart that it's his will. I sense his hand in my life changing me and transforming me, making me ready for a third little one. I sense and see the same process in Mike. I think he senses it too, but he certainly wouldn't admit it! He just doesn't want another baby, but as much as I've tried (and I have) I just can't shake this deep-rooted desire in my heart. It's not rational. I don't really want the work load of yet another little person to take care of, but that doesn't matter. I've tried talking myself out of it time and time again, but my heart just won't hear it. So I'll continue to wait for God's perfect timing and his will to come to pass. After all, I want what he wants - no matter what that might be.

Do you remember that old Sunday school song... " He's still working on me, to make me what I ought to be. It took him just a week to make the moon and the stars, the sun and the Earth and Jupiter and Mars. Oh how patient he must be, he's still working on me."

"My Father, have your way in my life, my marriage and in my family. Continue to work in me, change me, and make me more like Jesus. Prepare my heart for what's in store. Thank you for your awesome love and patience. Continue to work on me, Lord, and help me to be patient in the process. Amen."