Now that I've had a couple of days to cry, I feel like my head is level enough to see things more clearly. My desire for a baby NOW was getting ahead of God's desire for my family.
This is the thing. I was talking so much about having a baby that I was making Mike feel pressured. He finally gave in and said yes, even though he wasn't ready. I was so elated that I couldn't see that he was just trying to make me happy. That fact is clear. He doesn't want to have a baby right now. The time isn't right. I was getting ahead of God. I can't get pregnant knowing full and well that my husband is against the idea. The realization feels like a ton of bricks.
I was praying about it this morning. Then I picked up my Bible to read. I opened it up at random, and this is the first verse I saw...
"The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down." Proverbs 14:24
Wow. To get ahead of God is foolish indeed. Maybe one day we'll have another baby. I still want one, but now is the time to continue to build on what we already have. And I will enjoy this time.
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
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7 comments:
Oh, Margo! So sad for you.
I never had to ask...we oops'd all of them!
I do sometimes feel sad I cannot have any more, but at the same time, my hands are full to overflowing with the children I have!
i haven't been in in awhile. your pictures are really beautiful!
oh, i know how you feel.
((hugs))
Sometimes I worry that you don't give enough to yourself, margo! Its very mature of you to be reasonable about it all, but its also ok for you continue to cry and be hurt and be pissed and not worry that you tried to move ahead. Its what you wanted. Its what you deserve and sometimes it can be about you! I don't think you should have to wait!
I love you girl!
It feels good to have someone stand up for me Candice. Thank you. I love you too.
Natalie - I know you do. I've been thinking of you a lot the past few days.
Thanks Victoria!
Margo, I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. I wish I had the words. But I think your attitude is an inspiration and I don't want to sound cliche but you do have a lot of time. Things can always change. I'm praying for you! : )
praying for you and that as you wait on the Lords timing that he will change Mikes heart. love ya girl!
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